Plan – Week 61

Guess who still didn’t lose any weight?  No freakin’ change — 165.  Ok, here’s what’s irritating.  On Thursday I was 164 and on Saturday I was 164.5.  But on Friday – my official day to weigh I was 165.  GRRRRR.  Moving on.

I’m going to stop myself from whining right now.  Seriously I just deleted an entire whining paragraph.  — You’re welcome.    I’m frustrated as hell but I’m also stubborn as hell so I am not giving up.  Here’s my food plan for the week:

• Spaghetti (on whole wheat noodles for them, spaghetti squash for me)
• Grilled Chicken Breast with vegetables
• Chicken w/ squash
• Beef Stew (crockpot)
• Soup

I’m going to have an outpatient type ”procedure” done on Wednesday (no big deal, just closing down baby factory) so I’m not sure if I’ll be posting much this week.  I’m supposed to take the rest of the week off of work as a precaution (Wed, Thur, Fri) so we’ll see how it goes.  

I feel like I need to stop an apologize or something right now.  I feel like such a loser for not making any progress and I’m sure you all are tired of reading about my shenanigans.  Sorry.    I’m embarrassed at my lack of progress…. but I suppose this is when people give up (or stop blogging).  I’ve said it before, that its so easy to post when things are good.  Its so hard to stick it out when its rough.  But, I’m determined.  I am not, not, not going to give up.  7 more weigh ins until 2010. 

 

 

 

Visualizing

When I was in middle school, I participated in speech competitions.  You know, where you get up in front of an audience and say a poem or a prose piece or maybe do a skit with a partner (duet acting), etc.  I loved it.  And I hope I don’t sound like a brat when I tell you all that I was really, really good. 

Anyway, we usually had to be at the school very early in the morning on a weekend to travel to the competition campus – usually at around 5am.  My dad would get in his yellow Daytona truck (anyone remember Daytona?) and drive me there.  And almost immediately he’d pop in one of his cassettes.

My dad was big on power of the mind stuff so he was always listening to (or reading) motivational type information.  One particular morning, the cassette was talking about the power of visualizing.  I remember so clearly, my dad stopped the tape and told me, “Did you hear that?  I want you to close your eyes right now and visualize yourself winning.  Visualize yourself going up there during your award competition to pick up your prize.”

And I was in 7th grade and a complete moron but I sat there with my dad in the wee hours of the morning in his truck with my eyes clothes and I visualized me winning.  I heard them call my name.  I visualized myself walking to the stage to pick up my trophy.

I am so grateful to him for teaching me this.  At the time, I don’t know that I fully understood the importance, but now I absolutely do and its something I do all the time.  

You know when my parents died I think a lot of people didn’t expect that much from me.  I think I told you all before that of my little circle of friends I was the only one to go to college (and finish).  And I got questioned all the time, how could you do it?  How could you keep on going?  And truthfully, I never really saw another option.  I think I had been visualizing myself graduating from college with a degree for so many years that when I graduated high school and then had to decide what came next….attending college wasn’t really a choice, it was just something I knew I was going to do.  Does that make sense?

I guess its the same now.  I’ve been visualizing my success for months now.  I visualize me “winning” this game.  I visualize me with my solid gunz.  )  I visualize me leading an active healthy life and being a solid role model for my kids.  I visualize a healthy Lola — not skinny, healthy, fit, strong.  I want to take up space (just like Mizfit always says).  And you know what?  I have been visualizing this for so long, there really is no other option….I KNOW I’m going to get there.

3 Tires

I woke up yesterday morning (Monday), put on my warrior makeup, I mean, my workout clothes , and went to workout.  And you know how you have a plan in your head of how something is going to go and then something happens to screw it all up?  That kind of kept happening all day yesterday to me….

Well, yesterday at 5am, I didn’t want to get up.  I know, right?  I had just written that post that I was all gung-ho and then overnight all that energy was sucked out of me.  I keep trying to rationally talk to myself saying, “but really self, its 6!  Get up!  Its not even 5.”  I finally got up at 5:20.  So here’s where I think some people (including myself) sometimes go wrong.  Basically at 5:20, I had two choices:

• (a)I either say I can’t workout.  Its too late now.  I have to take a shower at 6 and start getting ready for work, blah blah, blah.  OR
• (b) I can say that yes its late, but I can still workout, even if its a short one. 

So I chose to do (b).  I got a good solid 35 minute workout.  Its not as good as 45 or an 1 hour, but 35 minutes is also better than 0 minutes. 

Then I got to work and had my Lean Cuisine prepared, 1 clementine and 1 apple.  I’d had a green monster for breakfast so everything was good and all points were counted.  Then my friend came an invited me to lunch at Taco Bell.  So here I had some more choices.

• (a) CRAP! Taco Bell!  Screw it, I’ll just start again tomorrow.  What will I ever find to eat at Taco Bell?
• (b) Go here www.dwlz.com and look up the points for Taco Bell.  Factor those points into my day and be ok with my choice. 
• (c) Eat my lunch as planned. 

So I chose b.  Of course c is probably the best, but b is still ok. I went with my friend but before that I went to that website and figured out what I could eat with points that wouldn’t throw my day.  I’d had about 4 points for breakfast so I was doing ok.  I ended up getting 1 crispy fresco taco (3 pts) and 1 nacho cheese gordita (6.5 pts).  9.5 on lunch — not spectacular, but I still didn’t throw my day.

For dinner I came home, ate tacos AGAIN but this time as lettuce wraps with a whole bunch of extra vegetables — I roughly calculated about 7 points.  I get 22 points a day so this is all still within my limits.

So why am I recounting my day, blow by blow?  I guess because I’m proud of me yesterday.  I’m proud of the choices I made.  Could they have been better?  Of course.  Could they have been worse?  Yes.

I read somewhere an analogy that really hit home for me.  You know how when you are going along on your diet and you are all gung ho (like me yesterday) and then one small thing happens that doesn’t go according to plan.  Then all of a sudden you say “screw it, I’m off plan, might as well just eat pizza for dinner! with a milkshake!  and ice cream!  because I already screwed up my breakfast….I’ll start tomorrow!  Well, I read somewhere someone said that imagine you are driving down a road and you get 1 flat tire.  What do you do?  Do you fix it?  Or do you just stab all the other 3 tires because screw it!  I have a flat anyway!  See how it doesn’t make sense?

I swear I used to do that all the time, but no more.  No more.  8 weigh ins until 2010….only 8.

Plan – Week 59

I’m sorry I didn’t post my official weight on Friday.  I know I left everyone in suspense right?  Hardy har har…guess what – no freakin’ change.  Still 165.

But, my whining is not the focus of this post.  I think I’m going to start posting a “planning type post” on Sundays to keep me focused on the week.  You all know I love to create little “systems” for myself but I’m not so good at keeping up with them, so we’ll see how this works out.  LOL.

Meals:

• Tacos (on lettuce for me, on tortillas for family)
• Arroz con Pollo (w/ spinach and peas)
• Turkey Meatballs (on spaghetti squash for me, on noodles for them)
• Tuna Patties w/ roasted kale chips
• Shrimp stir fry or shrimp fried rice/bulgur (rice for them, bulgur for me)

For breakfast, I am probably having green monsters most of the week or an egg white omlet.  For lunch, I’m taking leftovers most days but I have 3 frozen meals for backup. 

I’m working out in the morning and I’ve already got my clothes ready.  Seriously, I am on a mission this week. 

There are exactly 8 weigh ins until 2010 begins.  Just like Rebecca, I’m determined to make them my biotch.    REBEL YELL.

No Jaw Drop…

I started thinking on Monday night what in the world I would wear to work on Tuesday.  Most of the BigWigs hadn’t seen me in over a year and I wanted a jaw drop.  I wanted them to notice a difference. 

So on Tuesday, I wore a crisp white long sleeve button down shirt with some dark chocolate brown pants.  I felt confident and skinny.    When the guests started to arrive, most came by to say hi or whatever (they were seated in a conference room right by my office), do you all know that not ONE OF THEM said a word.  Nothing.

Lordy.  All, except one, were male.  I could tell that they knew something was different.  They asked me if I did something with my hair.  They eyed me up and down but none said a word.

So I started thinking, maybe you can’t tell.  Maybe its not really that noticeable after all.  Ok, then my rational brain starts talking and says, “HELLO – you have lost almost 50 pounds, that is noticeable.  You were an 16/18, you are now 10/12, that is a difference.  You are not imagining change.”  I know that seems dumb, but I swear I felt like maybe no one could really tell after all.

Today, I wore my purple shirt and gray pants — actually the exact same outfit as my progress picture from October.  And again, they seemed “extra friendly”  or maybe I imagined it?  Well, one of them finally said, “Oh my goodness Lola.  You look aaaamazing.  Absolutely amazing.  Good for you.”  He never said anything about my weight, but I knew he knew.

It made my day.  Absolutely made my day. 

This has really not been a good week for me, either with food or exercise.  I have been so preoccupied with work and exhausted with the time change (is anybody else feeling this?) and just feeling BLAH.  And I hate posting when I feel like this.  But here’s the things that I have to keep telling myself and I’m sorry if you all get bored of reading this, but its what I repeat to myself all the time…

• This is not a race, you will get there eventually.
• Be proud of your progress so far.  You have made real, life changes. 
• Love yourself right now.  RIGHT NOW.  This body gave you 3 beautiful kids.  This body has carried you around for 34 years.  This is the only body you’ll ever have.  Love it enough to treat it right.

Sigh.  I feel better. 

I love, love, love reading other people’s blogs that are so motivated right now.  This is exactly what I need to read and it helps keep me energized.  Thank you guys so much for all your wonderful comments.  I know that for me, its what made the difference this time. 

Big virtual hug. 

***Oh, how could I forget to update you all on this?  Remember when I committed to eating salmon and vegetables?  Yeah, not so much.  I ended up eating the special which was mahi mahi with a wine sauce with crawfish, shrimp, mushrooms on a bed of jambalaya and fresh green beans.  I’m sure it was at least one million points. 

And remember my drink dilemma?  Well, I looked at the bar menu ahead of time and settled on some berry lemonade that had fresh squeezed lemonade with vodka.  What I wanted was a drink that would blend in and just look like lemonade with a kick….what I got was a big obnoxious glass that looked like a Hurricane glass and was bright blue like windshield wiper fluid…And I was sitting in front of the President of the company.  I am so classy.  I ended up getting a margarita on the rocks for round 2 because I am just a typical mexican after all.  LOL. 

 

Weekend

I don’t have much time today, so I’m upating my favorite style – bullets!

***

Ummm, I think I have a little too much irrational love for bullets.  Maybe because they allow me to be more scatterbrained and need for segues is completely unnecessary. 

***

I am exhausted.  GEESH.  We had Quinceanera (15 party) on Saturday night so we took the little ones to a Halloween festival in the middle of the day (in lieu of trick or treating).  It was fun but made for a long day.

***

I danced most of the night on Saturday and I am still sore.  STILL.  But for a couple of hours there, I was a dancing queen.  LOL.

***

Remember that pretty gray dress that I bought myself for my birthday?  Well, I finally wore it.  I felt uncomfortable initially and even took an extra dress to change into, but as the night continued (and the vodka kicked in), I got less and less self conscious.

***

We have lots of BigWigs in town again and tomorrow is a big dinner out with a Sr. VP.  Its at a seafood place so I’m committing now – I’m having salmon and vegetables. 

***

You want to see pictures don’t you?  Here’s a couple…

One of the little kids at the Halloween thing.  We had Superman and a Pumpkin Girl. 

And one of the family at the 15.  That is the infamous dress that I bored you with in August that I finally wore.    I found my little girl’s dress spur of the moment for $15 at Ross.  It was sooooo cute. 

Have a Happy Monday!

Ok, if you are still reading….I need some sort of suggestions.  On Tuesday, when we go out, what can I drink?  I mean alcholic beverage?  I don’t really like wine (GASP, I know, sorry) or beer…. So what should I order?  SUGGESTIONS please since I’m always the typical Mexican ordering a margarita.  LOL.

Official Weight – Week 58

Official Weight – 165.  -2

Of course, last week, I was +2.5, so basically IAM THE SAME.  Grrrrrr.

Frustration Nation.  Seriously.

BUT, BUT, I’m not focusing on that.  I focusing on losing 5 pounds by YE.  This is totally do-able.  If I lose 5 pounds, I will have lost 50 pounds. 

Go Lola.  FOCUS.

 

One last 2009 goal

When I started dieting last year, I had made my spreadsheet and figured that if I lost 1 pound a week from that point forward, I would be at my goal in November 2009.  Last year, that seemed like forever.

When I made my resolutions this year, I made modifications to my original goals and came up with a timetable of by when I was going to lose x amount of weight.  And all of it seemed very realistic, on paper. 

Of course, I didn’t count on the fact that I would plateau, not once but twice.  If all went according to my accelerated plan, I was going to be at my goal weight by my birthday.  FAIL.  I am also not going to be at my original plan.  FAIL.

Somewhere along the way, I started accepting the fact that I would probably not make either goal and stopped being so concerned with any particular deadline.  I’ll get there — I know it.  I’m making progress — I know it.  I feel better.  And I’m enjoying the journey.

BUT… BUT I would not be Lola if I wasn’t planning, scheming, trying to reach for something.  I have one last goal for myself.  I’d like to say I lost 50 pounds by the end of the year.  I am SO CLOSE.  I am fluctuating between 164-166.  In order to say I’ve lost 50, I need to be at 160 — that’s only about a 5 pound loss.

So there it is my last 2009 goal.  This is going to be a tough time of the year, but I want to stay focused.  50 pounds feels like an informercial.  I want to be an informercial. 

Trying New Things

One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve started losing weight is that I’m more willing to try new things.  This is sort of a weird discovery.  I mean, it sort of makes sense in the kitchen because I am trying to change my habits, so it has made me more adventurous in the kitchen.  But as my self-esteem or confidence (or both) rises, I’ve noticed that I’m just not as embarrassed to try new things period.  I don’t even know if that makes sense.

So I started listing all the new things I’ve tried since I’ve been on this mission (which started for me in October of last year).  And holy moly, I didn’t realize I’ve tried so many things in the past year.  Self, you are awesome. 

Here’s my list.  I know I’m forgetting things, but I can’t believe its this many things.  Now, if you’ve tried something new – tell me in the comments…. maybe I can add to my list too. 

Food:  Rutabaga, Roasted Kale, Spaghetti Squash, Butternut Squash, greek yogurt, Laughing Cow Cheese, whole wheat noodles, Roasted Eggplant, green monster smoothies, concept of bulking up meals with vegetables, chia seeds, flax seeds, bokchoy

Exercise:  Turbulence Training, Kettlebell, P90X, Yoga, TurboJam, Jillian’s videos, exercise DVDs in general, boxing with a heavy bag, pullups, exercising outside at a park (with KB)

Other:  Wearing a skirt, dress, side bangs, finally buying myself more than just 2 good bras at a time (LOL, sad but true), attempted to do monkey bars (fail), swang on the swings with my little girl, slid down a huge inflatable slide, played like a kid at a kids obstacle course

Official Weight – Week 57

Official Weight – 167.  +2.5

I almost did not even post this.  I started TOM yesterday, so I’m not stressing out or acknowledging the gain.  But I couldn’t let myself skip the post.  I would feel like a cheater. 

Instead of being angry or frustrated at the scale, I’m going to be happy at the progress I have made.  I found this picture yesterday of me and my grandma, probably around 2002.  I would say this is probably the heaviest I got (around 210ish).  (Isn’t she cute?  I miss her.)

And here’s my October Progress Picture. 

Ummmm, yeah.  I have to be proud.   

Have a good weekend!